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Post by Christopher Valentino DeMarr on Sept 14, 2009 0:44:55 GMT -5
Did he have his phone? Would the cops even be able to find them? Oh think about what he was doing to his parents. Oh no... Christopher winced at the thought and turned on his side facing the opposite of Nicole. He clenched a fist. He hated the idea of screwing his parents over.
"I think I left it at the hospital.." he mumbled. "I'm calling my parents in the morning, I have to let them know I'm okay. Alright?" he more stated rather than asked her opinion on it. He sighed. His mom had always been so breakable and jumpy since David and his dramatic exit from their lives. Now with Christopher gone. She was like a wet thin glass vase in soapy hands. So likely to slip.
Nicole's voice had almost drown out to a muffled hum but he could make out her words. He mulled them over for a long time, she probably thought he didn't hear. He parted his lips and in a hoarse whisper replied.
"I guess neither of us know. We're human, we're proud, we're scared, we're average, we're different, we're sinners, we're friends, we're enemies, we're distanced, we're close, we're together, we're apart. We're total opposites and completely the same at the same time, but I guess you could say the main thing we are is," he paused and almost blushed, "Is in love."
His breathing grew quiet and he perked up his ears for an answer from her. Unsure of how she'd respond, if she's say nothing, if she'd agree or even if she'd laugh at him.
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Post by Nicole Marie Anderson on Sept 14, 2009 16:10:45 GMT -5
She was actually quite glad he didn't have his phone. Laying there she imagined the numerous missed calls and voice mails that would be left on either of their phones. Well more his phone, she was sure that the hospital or her parents had he phone.
"Do whatever you need to do," she stated through a yawn. Nicole was no longer going to get mad at the decisions he made in his life. It was his, she had no right to control it or even attempt that. The past few days had been like a over dramatic soap opera and yet it was real.
She pondered over his words. All of it was so true and yet things would just be easier if they had been lies. Why, was the only thing that ran through her head with every new thing he said. "my ass is going to be on a plane to Newport," she said through a small chuckle.
For once Nicole knew the threats were real, that they were going to be reality not just some stupid joke. She didn't want to lay here with him and be serious anymore. Nicole wanted to smile, and more then anything she wanted him to smile.
Slowly moving across the bed she placed a frail hand on his side and gently pulled him towards her. "Come here," she cooed like a little kid.
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Post by Christopher Valentino DeMarr on Sept 14, 2009 23:41:07 GMT -5
Christopher smirked at her comment. It was more than likely true, and it wasn't just the sarcastic truth she spoke of but the humor she had. A spark of the old Nicole, the Nicole before Christopher had come and messed everything up for her. He opened to his mouth to reply but her words stopped him once more.
Her beckoning caused his eyes to widen in surprise and he jumped and shivered as she placed her cold hand in his warm skin. Regardless, he turned to face her his heart beating in a sycopated beat nervously.
"H-h-hi..." he stuttered, the stupidest thing he could have possibly said at that moment, but who could blame him. His lack of knowledge in this area was rather nerve wrecking. His lack of sleep forgotten now and his eyes wide open.
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Post by Nicole Marie Anderson on Sept 15, 2009 15:59:22 GMT -5
Nicole allowed herself to chuckle at his words. Hi wasn't exactly what she had been expecting from the boy, but whatever she supposed that it would work at this moment. Slowly she removed her hand from his waist and let it wrap around herself holding onto her shoulder.
"Tell me a story," she said, however it came off more as a question. She longed for a fairy tale to ease her off into sleep. To fill her sleep with dreams instead of the usual nightmares, that she had been so accustomed to over the past couple of years.
Her eyes closed and she trusted that Christopher would still be there whenever she decided that she would open them again, or when her body would allow her to open them.
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Post by Christopher Valentino DeMarr on Jun 1, 2010 3:39:12 GMT -5
Christopher placed a strong hand on Nicole's shoulder, a comforting hand. The kind of gesture that let fragile girls know that this young man was there for them. He looked at her and smiled warmly, as though one would smile at a child. Her request for a fairytale reminded him of just that.
Christopher sighed and shook his head. "I've never been good with stories, I can't even lie properly. My imagination is dust." he said, a tone of dissapointment rather noticeable. "Besides, I never understood the comfort people took in fairytales anyway." He shrugged, a little coldly for Christopher's normal attitude.
"But if you really want one, I'll try my best." he smiled weakly, leaning a bit closer towards her. "What do you want, Nicole?" his voice hushed, as though those simple words held such a greater question. How he had managed letting her well-being govern his life he was unsure, he just knew he wanted her happy. Happy, and safe.
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Post by Nicole Marie Anderson on Jun 1, 2010 3:47:19 GMT -5
His hand felt heavy on her arm. She felt like her frial bones would break into a million pieces underneath his touch. His touch still sent sparks through her body, though at the moment in time she couldn't tell if they were the good kind of sparks or the bad kind. The kind that made you want to wake up every morning or the ones that kept you crawling back underneath the blankets.
It had been a long day and she simply wanted a story. And Christopher's bitter attitude angered her. She couldn't remember why she was where she was or even remember where she was at. Her life had fallen apart more then ever before. It had spun out of control where she had lost it. Nicole turned her back to Christopher and curled her head into her arms. She didn't wait for the tears as she knew they wouldn't come.
"I don't know. One that ends happy I suppose," she replied in the same cold tone as Christopher. "Or better yet don't worry about it. It's fine," she said in a whispered lie.
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Post by Christopher Valentino DeMarr on Jun 1, 2010 3:58:35 GMT -5
Christopher's brow furrowed, confused and sheepish. He hadn't meant to upset her so easily but it had happened. He half felt like he wanted to confront her about snapping back so quickly but he knew Nicole was fragile, easily broken, despite her experiences.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "We're both pretty exhausted aren't we?" he asked softly. Hoping she wouldn't take the comment directed only at her. Afterall, it was a true statement, their words displayed it perfectly.
Watching her lean under his hand caused him to recoil swiftly, but gently. He supposed he had to think harder about what actions he took, for Nicole seemed to be responding negatively to all of them.
"I don't want to give you your fairytale because I know someone else could give you one that was so much better, Nicole." He said the words as an apology, though one could easily be confused as to whether they meant something more or not. "Is there anything else I can do?"
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Post by Nicole Marie Anderson on Jun 1, 2010 4:22:45 GMT -5
Impossible was what she was. Impossible to understand and even more impossible to please. Nothing was going to make her happy. It was as if she willed her self to stay like this. She pushed everything and everyone away from her.
His hand leaving her gave her a sense of fear of lonelinee and emptyness. She pushed into hoping for comfort if that. If he was willing to extend that out to her. Laying her next to the boy she claimed to have feelings for everything started to make sense.
She wanted effort, he had given her that and it wasn't good enough for her. She wanted him to please her, it was impossible. She wasn't sure if they should run away from each other or if they would just continue to destroy each other lives. Or more correctly if Nicole would continue to destroy each other lives.
Her hair fell into her face, her stitches stuck to the pillow yet she didn't seem to notice. She was lost in her own thoughts. "I guess you've already given me everything."
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Post by Christopher Valentino DeMarr on Jun 1, 2010 4:46:16 GMT -5
Christopher folded his arms unwelcomingly. He watched sadly as this selfish girl succombed to this selfish attitude. He felt like he always had to be more, do more, and give more for her. At the moment it just didn't seem fair. He clenched his fists and took a deep breath. He wasn't going to yell, they had, had enough yelling at the hospital. "No, I haven't given you everything, not if you're unhappy."
The small room seemed so much smaller now that the atmosphere tensed, a confrontation obviously forming. It felt like it was needed, but was it? He was afraid to come close to her, despite the fact he was stupidly hoping that if he could just sweep her up in his arms she would calm down and maybe even smile.
"damnit Nicole, do you understand what you've done to me? I just risked so much for you. My life, my family, my future. All for you. Why can't you just ease up a bit, I'm trying! This isn't just difficult on you. What do you want from me? You're driving me insane and there's nothing I can do about it.!" He looked straight at her, not yelling, but pleading.
This was too much for him to handle from the start, it never seemed to get better. Christopher figured that this girl, this girl who lay before him would be the death of him as well.
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Post by Nicole Marie Anderson on Jun 1, 2010 5:20:03 GMT -5
He didn't give in like she expected. Wincing she pulled herself off the pillow and sat up. "I'm fucking hopeless. Can't you see that?" she though by now he would gave up. She was sure he had to move on from here.
Angerly she shove the hair out of her face. The musky hair that stuck to her face was out of the way. No longer driving her crazy. Nicole looked straight at Christopher. His pain burrowed into her and she looked away. She wanted to get better. Wanted things to work.
"Well as soon as wet get back I'm gone. You don't have to worry about me anymore. And what have I done to my family? Don't say I don't care about them because I don't act like I do. Margret is probably going crazy. And do I need to get started on Brandon. It's not like my brother doesn't feel bad enough. And then me. I'm going back to rehab. Rehab for like the third time and i'm only 18" she was to tired to yell. Her voice was a small whisper.
Her body began shaking with anger and fear. She didn't know what to do. Why could the one person hurt her and cure her at the same time. She didn't recognize herself in the mirror across from me. "Where am I?"
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Post by Christopher Valentino DeMarr on Jun 1, 2010 18:53:30 GMT -5
Christopher sat down on the bed next to her, but his back facing towards her; looking at the wall with his elbows propped on his knees. "You're only hopeless because you're set on fucking yourself up the rest of your life." he said softly.
There argument seemed so rash even though both their voices were hushed whispers and everything was driving Christopher crazy. Why couldn't things be so much easier! Both of them wanted things to work, or at least Christopher desperately did. He /had/ sworn that he loved this girl, maybe he was just clinging on to prevent himself from being smacked in the face by the cold truth: They were total opposites, and neither of them were adjusting.
Christopher shook his head, wincing at the overload of information in his system. He wished now they had never come to this little Bed and Breakfast. He wished he had just been a civilized and rational person and never taken all those pills, he wished Nicole would stop doing these things to herself.
"I never said you didn't care about your family." his voice was monotone. Angry, hurt, and confused, but too caring of this broken person beside him to let it all go. His throat seemed dry, caked with dust and he was two steps away from just walking out of that room and going somewhere where he could just let it all go for at least one restless night.
He quietly listened to Nicole talk about her family and complain about how she kept on screwing herself up. She was only eighteen and going to rehab, again. Christopher actually felt some pity for her, but he knew that she was strong willed and stubborn. He knew that first hand, and he believed that if it meant enough to her she could get herself out of this ditch. Why she allowed herself to come back to the bottle every time dissapointed him.
"Where am I?" She said softly, fear quivering in her voice. It sent a chill down Christopher's spine to hear this bold outspoken daredevil sound so afraid. He cursed himself over and over again with every move he began to make. Because he knew everytime he got closer to her, it only made things harder on the both of them. But now, all that mattered was her, and making her feel safe.
He swung his legs up on the bed and pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her protectively, pressing his lips to the crook of her neck softly. "You're with me."
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Post by Nicole Marie Anderson on Jun 2, 2010 0:26:51 GMT -5
"I've never been set on becoming hopeless. I'ts like shit goes wrong so I can make it dissapear if only for a few moments. Everything just goes away for a little while," she wished he understood. Though she didn't want him to feel her pain, she wish he could understand. Understand where she was coming from understand what she felt. Christopher wouldn't he couldn't feel that pain.
She held her own gaze and had to turn her head. Had to let it drop. The stubborn Nicole wasn't there. In one day it had ran away leaving her feeling helpless. She didn't like this feeling of fear that came over her. She craved a shot, a joint, a line, anything again to make this pain go away.
"You make it sound like I don't," Nicole wanted to raise her voice. To be the loud blunt person but she couldn't. "And you, what am I doing to you? I thought my family had it bad but your the one who's here right now. The one person who shouldn't be here. You're like family though your like the family who doesn't deserve to be around me at my worst."
Rehab thought flowed throughout her min. Detox once again was going to be hell. The sheer thought alone made her want to stay hidden in the bed and breakfast she was sure she could survive a few months. Well she'd survive a few months after she called her dealer and after she'd call Brandon.
Brandon, dear Lord she felt bad. As much pain as she had put Christopher through at least he knew where she was. Brandon he'd always be her older brother always live with the regret he pressured her into her first beer. Live with the regret he had stayed sober after rehab unlike she did.
This time Christopher's touch didn't make her flinch like normal. Her body collasped into his arms as if it was the first support she had in years. It was a sign she was finally giving up. Slowly her vision blurred as tears filled her eyes. She struggled to wipe them away but with each tear removed more grew to replace. Crying wasn't something anyone ever saw of her.
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Post by Christopher Valentino DeMarr on Jun 12, 2010 14:07:39 GMT -5
Christopher looked ahead at the wall but held Nicole safely in his arms. Why were they bringing this up again? Maybe it was because Christopher always had to get to the point and have his facts straight. How cruel that for this one moment when she was obviously breaking down infront of him he had to do this? He sighed and kissed her hair. He could feel the warm wet tears on his skin. A pang of guilt hit him like none other.
But there was nothing he could do to stop it. Every effort would come back to this. It always did, somehow, in some twisted cruel circle, it always came back to this. Why wasn't he the one breaking down? After all he had followed her to the ends of the Earth, always right behind waiting to catch her when she would fall. Spending sleepless nights with car keys in hand, waiting, just waiting for that call that told him she was dead or in jail, or twisted up in some other misfortune of her own doings.
His eyes widened as she spoke, her voice was barely a rasp whisper. She asked him about the tense of his words and he sank inside. "I honestly don't know." He replied softly. "Everytime I try to walk away from you every step is like walking through fire. Excruciating." He let him self fall back onto the matress in the cheap Bed and Breakfast. He was tired.
"Let's just let it go tonight." He whispered, pressing his lips to Nicole's neck, trailing upwards until he reached her lips to which he kissed gently. This, this is what felt right. At least to him, finally. He didn't care what she would say, if she would scream at him, scold him, whatever action she took if any to break away from him he didn't think he would let her this time. His hands clamped down on her wrists, subconciously afraid that she would leave.
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Post by Nicole Marie Anderson on Jun 16, 2010 0:11:39 GMT -5
She was broken. She was useless. Every muscle in her body had turned to sludge, no longer allowing her to move. Nicole was giving up there was no use in trying to fight back anymore. She had pushed and pushed only to break herself apart when the other side didn't give up. It was simply like trying to fight with a brick wall, no matter how hard she pushed the law of physics allowed no work to be done as long as the wall stayed in place.
Trying to speak, her cries turned into choked sobs, losing control. More and more tears flowed freely from her eyes. Christopher had seen her at every element except this one and she no longer cared what he thought about her. He had broken through the hard outter shell only to find weakness. It was weakness that had remained hidden by so many things. Everything she did was to cover the weakness up.
Christopher's grasp only reassured her weakness and she welcomed the strength of someone else. This was what she needed for someone else to gain control. To take over and show her the right path.
"Okay," Nicole finally breathed out. Her eyes remained shut as if this was a nightmare, she didn't dare move. She figured once she opened her eyes she would wake up on the floor of someone's house or maybe a street. This had to be a hallucination off of a bad drug she had taken, or still a nightmare. "Please," she begged unaware that the words were no longer in her head and floated in the tense air.
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Post by Christopher Valentino DeMarr on Jun 22, 2010 4:25:34 GMT -5
It felt like his heart was being shred to pieces as he watched Nicole break down in his arms. He had been prepared for everything she would have thrown at him, everything except for this. It was literally painful to watch her and he felt like there was nothing he could do. Maybe, maybe it was even his fault to begin with.
"Shh," He cooed, holding her increasingly tighter, stroking her hair, wiping her tears, kissing her cheek reassuringly. "I'm here, I'm here." He wanted her to know that he wasn't going to leave her, that he would be strong for her, always. Funny, how underneath all that confidence and strength there was this. Christopher had broken through for the first time. He felt honored and frightened, unsure of what this would all mean to her tomorrow.
"Everything is going to be okay." He whispered into her ear softly, feeling her shudder with her sobs. "You're going to get better and you're going to move on. You're going to be happy, and you're going to smile and laugh, and brighten everyone's lives like you always do. You're going to find the perfect man, one that will treat you right and always be there for you and you're going to live happily and have the happy ending you deserve."
He knew it would happen, he would make sure of it. He cradled her in his arms lovingly as she surrendered with a feeble "Okay." He could see there was so much pain bottled up inside her petite frame. It made him wonder about how much he had missed. How much she had gone through before she knew him. And then she was begging, "Please." she said. Christopher winced. He was to that point when you physically feel pain by seeing the person you love suffer.
"Yes? What can I do? What do you need? Are you going to be alright?" The questions sort of spilled messily out of his mouth. He wished he could do more; make her pain go away. Whatever he could so that she would be better, so that she would feel safe.
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