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Post by Julian Tyler Durkes on Aug 28, 2009 3:10:45 GMT -5
He turned back around to face her, his eyes looked red, but were tearing no longer. "You want to talk? What do we have to talk about? How you told me you loved me and then turn around and rip my fucking heart out? Or how you want to be a slut and go sleep around with any guy you can? Or what about how many times we've been together- one time with Jackson and you just magically get pregnant? What is that, Lindsey??" He yelled at her- now that he was done with sadness- now that she had seen him like that- he was more angry than he should've been in the first place.
He wasn't going to leave- not yet. He wanted to yell at her, even though he knew he shouldn't yell at a pregnant lady- he did it, anyways. He remembered how she quickly shut her laptop and hid something from him, "What did you try to hide? What was that paper? And what was on your laptop?" He questioned her, wanting all the answers.
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Post by Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay on Aug 28, 2009 3:18:43 GMT -5
Lindsey was use to being called a slut, she would fight those people with a passion. "I'm sorry. He wasnt protected, and I know that your mad, maybe I'm better as a memory then as your girl. I dont know how to stay in one place for long. I dont know how to stay happy with one person, its just who I am." She didnt yell, she was barely whispering. She was leaning on the edge of a breakdown and she was about to fall which was why she didnt want him to be there. She didnt want him to see her breakdown.
"It was just a baby name website and the paper was just some information on abortion. I decided not to do it but I couldnt let you see the papers." She explained slowly. Her eyes remained shut, she was scared to look at him.
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Post by Julian Tyler Durkes on Aug 28, 2009 3:24:29 GMT -5
"Do you not want me to stay?" He asked still yelling, feeling like she didn't even want him around- when she was the one who messed up- she should be the one begging him to stay. Why should it be the other way around? It wasn't right in his mind- what she did wasn't right, what she's doing wasn't right.
When he heard about the baby naming he became furious, but when he heard about the abortion- it made him calm down quite a bit. His brow furrowed at her- "What are you going to do?" He asked her, still sounding rude, but he needed to know. "Are you going to be with him? He's a liar if he says he doesn't want to be with you." He muttered. He heard the patheticness in his own voice- he wanted to hear her say she loved him- he wanted to hear a lot of things.
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Post by Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay on Aug 28, 2009 3:32:27 GMT -5
"I want you to stay but I dont want to make you feel like you have to." Lindsey said carefully as she stood up slowly, she held onto him weakly attempting to hug him, to comfort him. To convince him to stay. "I love you and I'm sorry." She whispered slowly before she pulled away and laid back down on the bed, she patted the side next to her as if asking him to sit or lay, get comfy.
She knew what she was going to do, "I'm going to give the baby up for adoption because Jackson was serious. He started making out with Jack right after he told me that he didnt want to be connected to a dumb slut who cant remember to take her pills in the moring." He had said other things too but what she had repeated was the nicest thing he had said about her.
The stress of this made her stomach curl but she didnt dare complain, instead she made a pained face before placing a hand over her mouth again. She didnt do well in stressful situations these days.
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Post by Julian Tyler Durkes on Aug 28, 2009 3:41:11 GMT -5
He didn't know what to do- She laid on the bed and he approached her, but didn't sit down. He didn't want to sit down- he was upset. He was /NEVER/ like this, but this had never happened to him before. He bent down, almost on his knees and put his head in her lap as his hands held onto her waist. "Why did you do this, Lindsey.." He muttered quietly into her thighs.
He lifted his head up to look at her- he was going to be civil with her, now. "Do whatever you think is right." He told her. "You know I'm going to beat his ass, right?" He said, being completley serious. "I can't just let him do this.." He muttered afterwards. He put his head back into her lap and closed his eyes- wanting it all to go away, but it didn't. It couldn't.
Julian saw her pained face and he stood up, walking to the bathroom. He put a washcloth under cold running water, wrung it out, and came back into the room. He set it on her head- hoping it would make it a little better. He had no idea what to do with a pregnant woman- he was trying.
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Post by Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay on Aug 28, 2009 3:51:09 GMT -5
She looked over at him and ruffled his hair and whispered, "I never ment for this to happen. I didnt think that this was going to happen. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You deserve better this time, I failed you." She blinked quickly. This was like goodbye without the actual words.
"I will do whatever I think is right and I think this is right. I cant be a mother yet and thats this baby deserves, two parents who will love he or she no matter what. Dont. Jackson did a lot of crap but that wont help anything, he'll just get mad. Dont please. Let him get away with it, I'm fine and I'm over it. I'm okay without him." She whispered.
When he stood up, she got worried. She sighed in relief when he came out, when he put the washcloth on her head, she whispered, "Thanks, Julian. I owe you for not leaving. I really do." She liked how he was trying to make her feel better when she had made him feel so awful, she was the reason for the pain that he had before, she was always the reason that he got hurt.
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Post by Julian Tyler Durkes on Aug 28, 2009 4:00:45 GMT -5
He finally sat down next to her on the bed. He just stared at her, his mouth a little sideways, keeping himself shut. At least she wasn't having an abortion. If she was going to do that- he would've forced her to talk to his dad. He was a minister and maybe could've talked some sense into the girl. But then he would've tried to make Julian stay with her.
"What would you do if you were me?" He asked her, taking a deep breath afterward. He was still hurt- he felt like punching the shit out of something, or better yet, someone. But he would do like Lindsey said- if she didn't want anything to happen, then he wouldn't lay a finger on Jackson. Maybe that's what his problem was- he listened to her- he let her do whatever she wanted. Maybe if he would've got mad about her going out, this would've never happened.
Thoughts raced through his mind as he sat there- looking down at her. "How many times has this happened?" He asked. He had so many questions- he needed them answered in order to make a rational decision- though the best decision was right in front of him. Leave. But again- it wasn't that easy to leave the person you were in love with.
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Post by Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay on Aug 28, 2009 4:08:22 GMT -5
When he finally sat down, Lindsey laid her head on his lap and prayed in her head that he wouldnt leave or get mad when she did so. She knew that he had to be somewhat happy that she wasnt going to abort this baby. She couldnt do it, she had been so close but she just couldnt.
"I would leave because we both know that I'm not strong enough to stick around for the pain." She whispered, being honest with him about this. He had to know that she always tried to run away from any pain that happened. She always had and probably always would. If it could hurt her then she wouldnt do it.
She wasnt sure what he was asking about but she answered best she could, "What? Me and Jackson? One time and thats all. Me cheating? One time." She was being honest, she knew that he had to decide if he was going to stay or not. He had to decide if he could handle this and if he couldnt then she understood.
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Post by Julian Tyler Durkes on Aug 28, 2009 4:20:04 GMT -5
He let her lay her head in his lap. He put his hand through her hair and then to the back of her neck, trying to comfort her. "I can't believe that you love me, anymore." He muttered to her, still rubbing her neck. "And I can't /be with you/ anymore. I can be here- but I won't mess around with you." He told her- making his decision.
"I'm not gunna leave you." He told her. "You need me most right now-" He began, but stopped. He lifted her from his lap and walked to the bathroom. He left the door open a crack and stood in front of the mirror- looking at himself. He put both hands on either side of the sink and haunched over. He splashed his face with water- he was thinking about what his life was about to be like.
He wiped the water off his face and continued to stare at himself- as if he just did a line of coke. What was he doing? Why? These were just some of the things he thought as he stood there. He wanted her to come in there with him- he just wanted reassurance. He wanted her- that's why he made the choice he did.
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Post by Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay on Aug 28, 2009 4:29:39 GMT -5
Lindsey sighed when he rubbed her neck and let her rest her head, his choice was firm, "I do love you and I understand your choice." She didnt want to mess around either, atleast not right now. She didnt. She wasnt sure if she ever would want to mess around with anyone.
She felt him lift her and leave to the bathroom. She tossed on a baggy gray sweatshirt before she followed him into the bathroom. She rubbed his shoulder slightly, whispering "I'm sorry" about ten times. She had hurt him, she was the reason for his pain. She wanted him to know that she loved him.
No, she wanted him to love her. Thats what she wanted. She wanted to be a child and throw a fit, she wanted to feel healthy again. She was tired of being tired and sick. This wasnt how she wanted her life to be.
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Post by Julian Tyler Durkes on Aug 28, 2009 4:38:06 GMT -5
He stopped looking in the mirror and stared at her. He was still slauched over the sink, but he was staring her in the eyes. When he looked at her, he realized that this was why he made the choice he did. He couldn't imagine being away from her- it would make him crazy. He didn't want her to be with anyone else.
He took his hands off the sink and let them slide down to his sides. He backed her into the wall of the bathroom and let their foreheads touch as he closed his eyes- "I love you." He whispered to her. His hands moved from his sides to her face and neck and he kissed her. It wasn't like how he kissed her everyday- it was different. It was more like 'I realize how much I need you' kiss.
He backed up, moving his hands down to her hips. He watched her reaction as he did all this- he was being strangley sweet- strangley understanding. Maybe he was making up for some of the things he'd put her through.
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Post by Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay on Aug 28, 2009 4:45:27 GMT -5
When he stopped looking in the sink, Lindsey took a quick step back just incase, he could get mad and decide that he wanted to hurt someone and that someone might be her. She was skittish, she would admit that.
His touch, his words, the way he kissed her, it all felt so right, she kissed him back, wrapped her arms around his neck as she did so. She wanted to make him happy. "I love you too. I need you here more then I want to admit." She whispered before returning to the kiss.
She took a breath when he moved his hands down to her hips, she closed her eyes and secretly wondered why he was being so understanding. What had he done? Had he cheated too? How many kids had he walked away from? The questions scared her.
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Post by Julian Tyler Durkes on Aug 28, 2009 5:16:47 GMT -5
His hands grazed her arms as he let go of her hips. "I know." He muttered. His eyes went to her stomach and the pain was back in his face. He looked back up into her eyes and he kissed her again. It was even better this time- He really felt like he needed someone and he knew she needed someone.
Julian picked her up and carried her to her bed. He laid her down and pulled the covers over her- he kind've did that so he wouldn't have to think about her stomach- or what was inside of it. He laid himself next to her- He buried his face into her neck as he draped one arm across her. He kissed her neck and her ear- all the way to her mouth, again.
If he hadn't already of told her he wasn't sleeping with her- this was how he sometimes let her know. His face still looked the same as in the bathroom- with thoughts rushing through his mind- some were drastic, some were irrational, some were dirty, some were loving, but most were back to dirty. How could he think of these things right now? Easy- he'd been with her a million times- but the moment Jackson came into mind- all the dirtyness was gone. That's what happened- every time he wanted to touch her a certain way- or tell her he wanted her. Jackson.
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Post by Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay on Aug 28, 2009 22:46:39 GMT -5
Lindsey saw his eyes go to her stomach and she crossed her arms quickly. She kissed him back, feeling those old feelings from before all this had happened. The feelings of pure bliss even if only for a second.
She was surprised that he had carried her to her bed, even more surprised when he was near her. She filled the small space between them before she kissed his lips again, trying to get that old kiss back. The one that made you forget that things were bad. "I love you, I missed your kiss. Baby I want you." She had to have said that to him twenty times before this, she never said that she straight up needed him. That was weak. It gave him power.
She knew that he didnt want to mess around so when she pulled from the kiss, she laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes, wondering if he would think that she had fallen asleep on him. His being there was a comfort, he may not have been the one who had held her hair back during the first month or treated her like a queen. But the boy who did those things dropped her when he found out what the real problem was.
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Post by Julian Tyler Durkes on Aug 29, 2009 14:05:31 GMT -5
Julian stayed silent as he listened to her. He didn't say anything back. And it wasn't because he didn't love her or miss her or want her- it was because he was still thinking about stuff- stuff that he needed to get out.
She pulled away from him and laid on his chest. He let her rest there for a while, but didn't want her to go to sleep. "Lindsey?" He asked, softly. "I need to tell you something." He said, more quietly. Her head on his chest- she could hear his heart rate increase. It was something important, but not anything as big as having a baby..
He waited for her to lift her head and look at him- it was confession time. It was time to come clean- to maybe start over between them.
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