Its a mistake!

[Julian Tyler Durkes]

"Let me come with you- I won't touch him, I promise.." He told her. He wanted to make sure that nothing would happen if Jackson tried to pull the moves on her- she was weak right now- and Julian felt like he needed to protect her. Jackson had already hurt her enough. So did Julian, but at least he apologized for it.

Julian looked down at her, his face looking concerned. "I won't leave. I already told you that-" He told her, trying to sound as sincere as he could. He meant it, he just wondered if she meant everything she said to him- if she really wanted him out of her life. He felt a little like he forced her to be with him- and he didn't like that feeling.

He still held her as she talked, he smiled hearing her answer and he knew she could feel his face- he squeezed her tighter as she whispered to him, "I'll take care of you as long as you need me to." He told her, "And I know- I won't hurt you, again. I'm sorry, Lindsibeans." He whispered and returned her kiss. He let her hide her face in his shoulder and he put his hand behind her head, setting his head ontop of hers.

[Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay]

Lindsey sighed, "Come with me? I dont know, Julian. He might get mad if your there. This might just need to be between me and him. I wont go back to him, I promise. I dont have any feelings towards him. I only love you." She had to do this on her own. She wanted Jackson to think that she was really alone for this so he would be more likely to offer his help.

"Okay. I dont know what I would do without you. I really dont know. You mean the world to me." She said as she pulled away so she could sit down on her bed, she looked up at him and smiled. She looked at him for a second longer then she had ment to, "I'm having someone else's baby, Julian. I want to keep him or her. I know that your not going to approve but I want to keep her or him." She wasnt going to spend her life regreting a choice that she had made.

She wanted to believe that he could take care of her as long as she needed him to, really she did. She wanted to believe that he wouldnt hurt her again but she knew that he would. "Julibeans, I dont think that your going to want to spend your life taking care of me. I'm a wreck and I can barely cook toast and I hate cleaning and our bedroom is going to girly if we get married because I love shopping and we're going to have a dog because my parents never let me have one." She was making the list in her head. It was the main reasons why she didnt think that they should even consider getting married, she didnt want to end up getting a divorice in ten years.

[Julian Tyler Durkes]

Julian's brow furrowed, "I don't care if he gets mad- he didn't care about if I would get mad when he was-" He began, but stopped. He didn't want to keep arguing about this, "Alright- whatever you need to do." He told her, hearing irritation in his own voice.

There was no way Julian would be okay with abortion- his father was a minister- he taught him better than that. "I know." Is all he said about her needing him, "And I know you want to keep him," He said, automatically saying it was a boy (I guess it's just a guy thing), "I want you to keep it." He admitted to her. He couldn't imagine what she would feel like if she had an abortion- that'd be worse than the actual child birth in his eyes.

He couldn't help but laugh listening to her ramble, "It's alright, Lindsey." He said, "You have your whole life to learn how to do those things- and I /will/ be there. We can help each other." He said, quietly, taking a seat next to her and putting his arm around her shoulders.

[Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay]

Lindsey nodded, "But I dont have a car so you could take me and then if he asks why your there then you could beat him up if things get bad." She wasnt making sense but she wanted him there in case Jackson's reaction to her was less then kind.

"Him? Its going to be a boy? Okay, Julian." She couldnt help but laugh at him sometimes. "You want me to? Really? I dont get you sometimes. Why are you staying with me when you could have anyone else in the world?"

She laid her head on his shoulder and sighed, "What will you need help with? Nothing, you know everything. I dont even know how to make eggs which I hate by the way. I'm going to be the grandma who's making her grandkids burnt toast." She was scared about the future.

Her mind had never allowed any thoughts of the future to enter and now it had to. She was going to have to be a lot more responsable. A baby was going to change everything, she was going to have to learn so much and get a job because she couldnt stay at home forever.

[Julian Tyler Durkes]

Julian smiled slightly, "That's a good idea." He told her, chuckling to himself. Just the thought of giving Jackson physical pain made him feel good. He laughed at the very thought of punching him in his face, or slamming his head into the ground.. Yes- it might be crazy sounding, but what would you want to do to the person who knocked your girlfriend up?

He shrugged, smirking, "I don't know if I'll be able to handle a girl-" He began and stopped. He couldn't imagine having a girl baby- even though it wouldn't technically be his baby, he would still treat it like it was his own. And if turned out to be a girl- he would play the role of the over protective dad. Just like any other guy would. "I do have who I want.." He muttered.

"I can teach you- and what I can't- I'm sure your mother can. Or my mom can.. You know she loves you, Lindsey." He whispered to her, trying to comfort her. He didn't want her to talk herself out of staying with him. He just spent all this time getting her back- he didn't want her to leave him just like she tells him she doesn't want him to leave her.

[Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay]

Lindsey smiled, "Yeah I think that it is a good idea. Just dont hurt him too badly, I dont want him to get too hurt. I dont want him to be too upset or mad or anything." There she went again, caring about the people who hurt her the most, it was the way that she was. When people hurt her, it made her care for them more because then maybe they would stop hurting her so badly.

"Are you sure that you want me? I dont want you to stay because you feel guilty or because you think that I'm good in bed. I want you to stay because you love me." She whispered, part of her believed him and the other part didnt.

"I just cant believe that I'm pregnant. Its so hard to just say let alone know that I'm going to be a teen mother. I'm going to miss out on everything because one stupid little mistake. I'm going to have to get a job because I know that my parents dont want me here forever. I dont them to have to take care of me and my child. I just dont know how I'm going to do this. I'm sorry, I shouldnt lay this on you." She had a bad habit of letting people in when they didnt want to know.

[Julian Tyler Durkes]

Julian rolled his eyes at her, "I won't do anything unless he asks for it-" He muttered. "And I don't know why you'd care so much, anyways." He said, almost too quiet for her to hear. He didn't want her to care about him at all- he didn't. And he knew Jackson could never care about Lindsey like he did. Even if he had done wrong things in their relationship.

"I stay because I love you-" He said, "But you being good in bed helps, too." He whispered back and laughed at his own joke- she set herself up for it in a way. "I know you can't exactly trust me right now- but I'm telling you honest. I love you." He whispered to her, holding her face with his hands on her cheeks. He kissed her and let her face go as he put his arms around her.

He nodded as she spoke, telling her he understood. Or at least he understood the best he could. "I know, Lindsey. It's gunna be hard, but I'm going to be there.." He told her. "And slap that child support on that fucker and you won't have as many worries-" He said, trying not to smirk.

[Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay]

Lindsey nodded and whispered, "And if he does ask for it, dont hurt him too badly. I dont want him to be too hurt or too upset. I just want him to be happy because he deserves that atleast. I mean it takes two to do that and I dont know what else to say. I just want him to be a father, I dont want him to miss out on his son or daughter's childhood because we couldnt get along."

She had a world of chances for Jackson now that he had fathered the baby in her stomach, she was holding onto hope for the future, theu should atleast be friends. She didnt want him to try and call her one day and have the opperatior say that the number was no good.

She wanted the child to grow up with two parents even if those two parents werent together. She wanted to atleast be able to invite Jackson to the baby's birthday, she wanted him to teach the baby sports, she wanted this baby to have the childhood that she didnt, she had the kind of childhood where mommy and daddy both work so your siblings teach you things and you spend more time with a nanny then your mommy.

She couldnt help but laugh, "I guess it would help. I love you too and I know that this is going to be hard for you because as much I wish it was, this isnt your baby and we cant change that. I just wish that I could go back and stay with you that night, I should have stayed home and called you to talk the issue over and not gone out looking for trouble"

That night, she had gone out with the purpose of hurting him, in the back of her mind, she wanted to cheat. She wanted to make him cry, she wanted him to suffer and now she felt bad. She had wanted to cause trouble at that party, she had wanted to make Julian try harder. She had been insecre in her relationship and it turned out that she had some right to feel that way.

"He isnt going to pay, we both know that, he cant pay. He doesnt have a job and his parents dont have as much money as mine so he'de just say that I could do fine on my own or he'de demand a dna test. I dont want him to have to go through the trouble of finding a job so I wont ask that he pays child support. Its fine, I should be the one who worries about this, not you and not him and not anyone else." She was whispering so quietly that he could barely hear.

She had this picture in her head of Jackson coming over to and a little boy running over to him with his arms streached out and then the picture of them playing baseball in the backyard and then there was her and Julian watching appered, she had another baby in her arms covered with a pink blanket. They all looked happy, they all looked like they could tolerate eachother.

But this was just a dream, she needed to grow up and realize that she wasnt going to get that, she grabbed Julian's hand and held onto it tightly, "I love you." She wanted to tell him what was going on inside her head but she didnt think that he would understand or even cared, her eyes got that distant look and her voice sounded like she was speaking from far away when she was really so close.

[Julian Tyler Durkes]

Julian scooted further away from her, not liking what she was saying. "Why do you care so much?" He asked her. He didn't know how else to say what he was thinking without starting another fight- but why did she care about this guy so much? She didn't really answer him the first time he asked.

He looked away from her as she spoke. "I know that, but we don't have to annouce it." He said about the baby not being his. "I mean- I'm sure people are going to know- And I'm going to look like a total doushe, but whatever. /We/ don't have to talk about it all the time." He stated. "And I know- I would change a lot of things if I could, too." He said, quietly, still looking away from her. His glance dropped to his shoes.

Thinking back to what had happened between him and Nicole, he began to feel more guilty about it. Yes- he did used to love her, but it wasn't Lindsey. It wasn't the same feeling he had when he was around Lindsey- even if they were fighting and all the way across from the room to each other- he would still have a feeling in the pit of his stomach. He would still steal glances at her- he would still be jealous of every guy she ever seemed like she had intrest in.

Julian rolled his eyes, "My dad is a fucking minister- he still had to pay my mom." He muttered. He loved his mom- Lindsey knew that, but some of the choices she'd made had slightly made him hold a grudge against her. He was by no means friends with his father- but he still loved him. His godlyness and all.

"What's wrong?" He asked her, knowing something was on her mind. "What are you thinking?" He asked, thinking that she thought she'd made a mistake about taking him back.

[Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay]

Lindsey sighed before moving farther from him,she didnt even look at him as she crossed her arms and muttered, "He is the father of this baby and he needs to be a part of his life. This baby deserves two parents and not just one." She didnt say that the emotional side of her felt bad for Jackson. She didnt say that the guilt filled part of her wanted to be able to be with Jackson so the baby could live with his mother and father together. She didnt dare say how she felt selfish for saying with Julian.

"I know that we dont have to announce it. But I dont want people to think that its yours. I want everyone to understand that I'm not having your baby. Maybe we wont even have to tell anyone about the baby, maybe I can fix this all." She whispered as she held the papers about abortion in her hands, she had read it twenty times but maybe keeping the baby was selfish, maybe she just wasnt ment to have this baby. She still refused to look at him.

She closed her eyes tightly and hoped then when she opened them that this would all be gone, that she would be happy again. That things would be great, Julian would have never cheated, she wouldnt be having Jackson's baby and she would be happy. Like the old days.

She nodded, she knew this. "I know, I just dont want him to pay. I dont want him to feel the pressure, he's not ready. He shouldnt have to feel any of the bad things, I want him to experence the joys like when the baby is all fun and giggly and stuff." She didnt throw in a 'if I have it' she couldnt.

She still refused to look at him so she laid down so her head was on his lap. "Nothing is wrong, I was just thinking about the future, I dont know what to do, I only have three choices and I cant even choose one. I'm so stupid, I thought he said that I would be okay, that listening to your heart is easy, Life isnt fair, I feel so selfish for staying with you."

[Julian Tyler Durkes]

He looked over at her with squinted eyes- this was about to be another arguement. "A child can have two parents without them caring about one another- what about me? My parents haven't been together since I was 3 and I'm fine. They're fine." He said, beginning to become a little defensive. What was she trying to say?

Julian grabbed the papers out of her hands and ripped them up. "No." Is all he said. He stood up and walked to the bathroom, throwing the ripped papers into a trash can next to the sink. Again, he was looking into the mirror, holding onto the sink. What was his life about to be like? There was going to be a child interfering with their relation constantly- not to mention the baby daddy drama.

"If he didn't want to pay then he shouldn't of got you knocked up." He stated, rudely from the bathroom. He was getting into the fuck this mood. He did that from time to time- about everything. School, living at home, and Lindsey. Things didn't go his way and he would get pissed about it. Wondering why God couldn't help him.

He stood in the bathroom, listening to her speak, making a list in his head of everything wrong she'd just said. "You only have two choices, now, you're not stupid, and listening to your heart /is/ easy." He said, annoucing his list. "What is your heart telling you? To be with me or to be with Jackson?" He asked slowly, standing in the doorway of the bathroom, leaning on one side of the panel, looking at her from across the room.

[Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay]

Oh great. Lindsey sighed, "Its not that, I grew up with two parents who were never home and when they were, they didnt care and I dont that for this baby which is why Jackson needs to be a part of his life."

When he grabbed the papers, she stood up and yelled at him, "You cant tell me what I can and cant do. Your not the boss of me so stop acting like you are, your not the father you have no rights to this baby and I can get an abortion if I want one. Its my choice." She was just mad.

She followed him into the bathroom and hissed, "Your such a jerk. I'm tired of this, we always do this, We fight stupid stuff and you start it all. Your tearing us apart and maybe I dont mind anymore. I'll always be your girl but even I need to dream."

"I want you but you just dont want me to be happy. And you know that you think that I'm some stupid slut with anyone but I dont care. I dont care what you say, call me a skank, your just a player. You cant make my choice for me." She was mad but holding back.

[Julian Tyler Durkes]

Julian just didn't understand this girl. "Fine- I never said that he shouldn't be apart of the baby's life- I just said the relationship between the parents isn't necessary." He said a little loud. She was starting to piss him off, again.

"If you do this I will never fucking talk to you, again." He turned and said straight to her face- looking her right in her eyes. He wasn't kidding- he wasn't what you'd call pro choice. "How do you think you would feel if you found out your mom got rid of one of your brothers or sisters? Just because she didn't /feel/ like having a baby right then. What would that do to you? What would that do to you as a mother? Do you know what kind of emotional shit those girls go through? Really think about this, Lindsey." He said, letting himself go on a small rant, "Be a good person, for once." He said, loudly. He didn't mean it- he just wanted her to realize the action.

Julian looked at her, "Yeah- I'm such a jerk, right? I'm such a jerk because I don't want you to kill your baby. That sounds so right." He said in a sarcastic tone. "You don't make sense- sure I might be a jerk, but you're a bitch." He told her. He felt like it was justified- she just insulted him, so he insulted her back. He could've called her worse.

"How do I not want you to be happy?" He asked, angrily- really needing to hear the answer. "I don't want you to be with /him!/ Is that going to make you happy? Being with him?" He chose to ignore the player comment- he'd heard it too many times for it to hurt him.

[Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay]

Lindsey bite her bottem lip and hissed, "Sometimes it is. Sometimes you need mom and dad both. Sometimes you need them both, sometimes you just them both to get along and be normal." She wasnt talking baby anymore.

"I hate you when your like this, I dont want to fight and of course I know what they go through, my aunt got an abortion last year. I saw what she went through but she doesnt regret it as much as she thought she would. She knew that it was for the best," She didnt mention that it was one of those if you have the child then it will live its whole short life on tubes. "I am a good person!" She snapped. She was sometimes.

"You are a jerk because you never want to let me make my own choices, My own mistakes, I need to make mistakea so that I can learn from them. Let me make my own choice." She wanted to have the option, she wanted him to understand. She didnt let him see the hidden hurt on her face, he couldnt know that his words stung,

She sighed, "You want me to do the things that I dont know if I can handle, this seems like the easiest thing to do. I dont have to see the baby and say goodbye and I dont have to worry about not being a good mother. I dont want to fail like I do at everything else, this isnt a puppy. And he cant make me happy."

[Julian Tyler Durkes]

Julian caught onto her words, "Who is this about?" He asked, looking at her in confusement. Was she talking about him? Or was she talking about herself? He couldn't tell- from what he knew- she was normal. Just overemotional, but most girls are like that.

He shrugged as she spoke to him, "Do whatever you want. I'm just telling you what's going to happen." He said. If she made this choice- he really would never speak to her, again. She would regret it for the rest of her life- what is the worst that could happen if she didn't do this? She wouldn't be able to find anyone to love her- Julian was already there- what more could she need?

"Do-Whatever-You-Want." He said slowly. "I don't care." He muttered, stepping around her from the bathroom frame and back into the bedroom. He looked at the box he left on the ground- the one full of his things- What could he do, now?

Julian shook his head as he listened to what she said, "That's so shitty, Lindsey!" He said, loudly. "Why are you like that? You can't take the easy way out of everything!" He almost yelled, "Life is hard- you need to realize that.." He looked down- he'd realized something himself- "Maybe you do need to just grow up." He said quietly.

He opened her bedroom door and walked out, slamming the door behind him. He didn't want to leave her- but he needed to be away from her right now.