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Post by Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay on Sept 4, 2009 2:56:56 GMT -5
Lindsey ignored his question, she didnt know what had came over her, she just couldnt stop yelling any emotion that she had felt during her childhood. The ones of adbandenment like she hadnt been good enough for her parents to stay home from work for.
She nodded, "I will. I'll do what I think that I need to do." She was calming down, she knew that he would be mad if she did this, she knew that he would support her if she didnt. She just didnt know how to trust him completely.
Her eyes followed after him and then in a burst of emotions, she raced after him. "I always say that I dont need you. And that if you left that I would be okay because your not the only guy in the world but your the only guy that I want. Your the only that I need. You know me better then I know myself most of the time." Her face became wet with tears in a matter of seconds.
She was scared, she was hurt. She didnt want him to leave, she needed him. He could have anyone but she wanted him to stay with her if not then he could find someone better.
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Post by Julian Tyler Durkes on Sept 4, 2009 3:11:06 GMT -5
He kept walking as she raced after him as if he never heard her. He walked down the stairs and past the kitchen- to the front door. He stopped before walking out, turning and taking her in his arms, "I just need to be alone for a while." He told her and let her go. He opened the front door and shut it quickly behind him, walking quite fast to his car.
It was like he couldn't unlock the car fast enough. He couldn't get in that seat and light up that joint fast enough. He wasn't even sure if she knew that he smoked- but at this point he really didn't care. He turned off his phone as he sat down in his car- he didn't want to talk to anyone. He didn't want to talk to her.
He felt like if she really wanted anything to do with him- then she would wait. She would wait until he came back. Or she would go find him. It's not like he was going anywhere bad, though. He was going home- to the comfort of his bed. To listen to his music. To just calm down and forget about the things she said to him.
But as he drove away from her house, he felt a strange feeling of abandonment. He felt like he had no one the moment he stepped out of her house. He turned his phone back on- just in case she called. He was just a sucker- and that's how he felt.
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Post by Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay on Sept 4, 2009 20:55:20 GMT -5
Lindsey watched as he left, the reality of the situation didn't kick in until after the front door closed and his car sped off. Blue eyes locked on the door, she refused to look away, fearing that when she did, the pain would set in. After a minute of that nonsense, she stood up and walked into the her room and straight into her bathroom, pulling on of the drawers out and grabbing her relief. She closed her eyes and found relief in a knife. The deeper she cut, the more that she hurt but at least she was hurting on the outside and not the inside now.
She bite her bottom lip and tried to ignore the blood as it flowed out. She felt like she was alone to deal with this as she tried to remind herself that he had no right to tell her what she couldn't do. She sat down on the cold floor and cried into her knees for a minute. She couldn't do this, she needed to get out. So she picked herself up, heading to her closet, throwing on a pair of faded jeans and a tight black shirt that covered her wrists.
She slipped on a pair of black flats before walking into the bathroom to curl her blond hair and fix her make up. She looked like crap and she couldn't look like that everyday of the rest of her life, she hadn't put this much effort into her look in awhile. Gold hoops found their way into her ears, a gold locket found his way on her neck and that old bracelet was soon on her wrist, the one that she hadn't cut.
She grabbed her Iphone and her fingers moved across the screen as she dialed the number, it answered after two rings, "Hello, Jackson......I wanted to talk.....No not about him......No we aren't.........He knows and we fought and he left......Okay I'll talk to you then and I will call him later or text him whichever. Bye." She hung up the phone before laying down on her bed sending a text to Julian, "I don't want to break up but if you want to then I understand."
Her mind was a jumble, maybe they weren't meant to be. They did fight a lot and if you love someone then you shouldn't fight as much as they did. She knew people who hated each other and didn't fight as much as they did, it wasn't fair. It was like someone didn't want them to be, like she was getting punished.
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Post by Julian Tyler Durkes on Sept 5, 2009 15:08:16 GMT -5
Pulling into his driveway he got out and walked quickly inside, slamming the door behind him. His mother was gone- work, as usual. He went straight to his room- and memories kicked him in the face. He stared at the bed in his room- remembering all the times Lindsey had laid beautifully there- sleeping as if she had no worries. What happened to them?
He immediately went to his stereo, turning on the cd that it held inside. He walked to the bed and laid in it, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what she was doing. He shouldn't of left- but he needed time to think. He wanted to stay with her, but he felt like she didn't really want to stay with him.
Why wouldn't she call him by now? Why isn't she at his front door? All these thoughts flowed through his head- he was hurting, but he was not going to give into himself. He wanted to go back to her house- to apologize and hug her and lay her down on her bed, but he couldn't. Jackson had ruined that aspect of his life- because Lindsey was his life. He didn't want to think that she was ruined, but in a way to him, she was.
His phone beeped in his pocket and he pulled it out, he read the text and just hit the call button. He wasn't big on the texting thing. He waited for her to answer and he sat up on his bed, "Lindsey- Come over, please." Is all he said to her.
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Post by Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay on Sept 5, 2009 15:52:27 GMT -5
The phone ringing scared Lindsey out of her little daydream, she answered and nodded before remembering all the times that her mom yelled at her for nodding into the phone, "I'll be right over." She stood up and quickly reached for the keys off of her dresser. She raced down the stairs and out of the house, locking the door before she got into her car.
She closed her eyes before starting the car up, she didnt speed out of the driveway, she didnt want to race over there and have him think that she couldnt live without him. She had too much pride for that. She drove to the drive through of Mcdonalds to get fries and a diet coke before she finally deciced to drive to Julian's.
The whole ride there, she was thinking about what to say. Should she hug him? Should she yell at him for leaving? When she arrived at his house, she walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. She usually came right in, it was like she was here to say goodbye. Her mind was letting go slowly, her heart held strongly to him but she couldnt keep doing this.
She closed her eyes as she waited for him to answer the door. People change all the time, people grow apart. Maybe all of this bad stuff was the worlds way of saying that they didnt belong together. This was the kind of ending that you didnt want to see. It wasnt going to be easy and simple, it never would be. She could barely breathe without him, he was the only thing that she knew like the back of her hand.
Sometimes things just dont work and nothing that she said now could save either one of them from the fall out of this. The past needed to go in the past, her eyes opened quickly and she crossed her arms, he didnt need to even think that she was hiding anything from him. He couldnt save her from herself anymore, nobody could.
She knew what she was going to do and if he couldnt understand that then it was too bad for him. She was sorry but she couldnt always give him what he needed when it interfered with what she wanted. She kept her eyes on the door, afraid to look away.
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Post by Julian Tyler Durkes on Sept 5, 2009 21:11:59 GMT -5
When they had hung up, he sat in his room, waiting. Waiting for her to knock on the door and he would walk outside and sweep her up off her feet- but what if that's not what she wanted? He had a strange feeling in his stomach that she wasn't coming over to make up with him.
He had only told her he needed time- he didn't need years of time or monthes of time- he just needed a few hours and that's what he got. He walked out in the kitchen and then back to his room, pacing unknowingly. He was thinking of what he would say- what he was supposed to do. Maybe he should've never called her over.
Julian heard the knock of the door and he waited 3 seconds before he answered it, just so he wouldn't look too desperate. He swung the door open and he opened the screen door, letting her inside. "Hi.." He muttered, looking at her up and down, "Where are you going?" He asked, wondering why she looked dressed up.
He pulled her towards him, grabbing her wrists, not knowing what she had done earlier. He grabbed a hold of her, squeezing her into a hug. Maybe it was goodbye? Or maybe they could start over- he didn't know what was going to happen.
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Post by Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay on Sept 5, 2009 21:28:54 GMT -5
Lindsey made a pained face when he grabbed her wrists, she pulled away from him and crossed her arms. Her eyes avoided his at all costs, she looked down at her shoes when she answered his earlier question, "I just felt like getting ready, I wanted to look pretty." She didn't say who she wanted to look pretty for. She took one single step back, she didn't want to give in to him.
She didn't want to say goodbye but maybe she needed to. Maybe they needed to, maybe they needed time apart. Time to grow up. She bite her lip and actually made eye contact with him for a second before looking down at her shoes.
"So now what do we do? Are you going to call a bitch again? A skank? Tell me what my choices are? Judge me some more? Or do you want to talk?" She hissed, she was just being catty. She rolled her eyes and shook her head when she was done. She was acting like his words couldn't hurt her, like there was no way that he could ever hurt her. She didn't want him to think that she was going to fall to pieces if he insulted her, she didn't want this to be easy for him. She couldn't be easy anymore.
She hadn't came over to give in to him right away, they did this way too much. She was tired of it, with a child on the way, she had to grow up. If not for the baby then she would totally run back to him, this was forcing her to mature even if she didn't have the baby. She had to make some changes.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she pulled it out and pretended to be deep in a meaningful conversation. She was really just talking about pudding with Cody but he didn't need to know that. She always talked with guys though so it wasn't a big deal and she had known Cody since she was six. She was never as flirty as she was now, leave it to her to make a conversation about pudding dirty and flirty.
She wanted him to get mad at her, to scream and yell but at the same time she didn't want him to. Her eyes finally met his for longer then two seconds. She uncrossed her arms and put a hand protectively over her stomach. She wasn't showing him any solid emotion on her face, she didn't want him to see if she was hurt or angry. He didn't get to know anything anymore.
She wanted to scare him, "I'm moving. Going to my grandparents house to stay there until I'm eighteen and then after that I'm going to get a place in La. I'm going to be happy with or without you, I deserve that much. Either way I'm not going to parent this child, I'm not going to be a mother and you aren't even going to know this kid."
She knew that she should shut up and just stop being so catty to him. She changed her expression to a much cattier glare. She wasn't afraid of him, she wasn't afraid of him leaving. He got to leave her and she got to be mad. She got to be angry at him this time. Now it was her time.
She was done keeping quiet, she didn't want to have to be nice to him about anything now. "Your just a cheating lying jerk. I cant believe that I fell for you. You cheated and you left. Thats a jerk move, you never loved me."
She didn't break her glare at him when she was talking or even when she was done. She took another step back and held onto the doorknob, tryng to make him think that she would really leave him like that. She still didn't break her glare. She wasn't planning on it either.
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Post by Julian Tyler Durkes on Sept 15, 2009 16:16:58 GMT -5
Julian watched her face as he grabbed her wrists, "I didn't grab you that hard, did I?" He asked as she pulled away from him in pain. He listened to her talk, "You already look pretty.. Are you sure you're not going anywhere?" He asked her, his eyebrows raised as if he knew something she didn't.
He shook his head, a slight smile across his face, "I'm not going to call you anything.." He told her, "We can talk. But /both/ of us need to talk." He added.
She answered her phone and he stared at her in amazment. "Who are you talking to? That's so.... rude." He said- he couldn't find a better word for 'rude' without being an asshole. "We're kind've in the middle of something- whoever that is can wait.." He muttered more to himself. He was sure she would ignore him.
"That's just like you, Lindsey. Take the easy way out so you don't have to put any effort into anything." He said, staring into her. He began to shake his head. He leaned against the wall, "You're not going anywhere." He said, not believing anything she said. Her parents spoiled her rotten- she would never leave them.. Would she?
His slight smile erupted across his face as he listened to her insults. "You're so cute when you're mad.." He said quietly to her. "And yeah- I am a jerk, but that doesn't mean I don't love you.." He said, getting closer to her, but still talking quietly.
"Don't go, Linds." He told her, looking at her with pleading eyes. He didn't want to look desperate, but how else would she know how much he wanted her?
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Post by Lindsey Anne-Marie McKay on Sept 15, 2009 18:38:23 GMT -5
Lindsey whispered, "No you didn't grab me that hard. Just being a drama queen, right?" As always." She couldn't help but smirk when he said that she already looked pretty. "You don't know. I'm not going anywhere, I wanted to look nice but don't get conceited, I didn't dress up for you."
She raised an eyebrow, "What are you smiling about? We cant talk, we can never talk. Haven't you ever noticed that these kinda things always end the same. We try and talk and end up screaming at each other or we kiss and make up."
"So rude? Nice. Was so rude of you to leave me? Or was that okay because its you and not me. If I left then it would be a different story, you would be the one who was mad and hurting but didn't want to show it." She hadn't meant to admit that she was mad at him or that she was hurt but she kinda had to in order for him to get it.
She shook her head, "Just like me? Dang you just cant stop yourself. You don't get to be mad. I do put effort into things but see what happens. Maybe I'm just putting effort into making us work. We'll never work. We aren't meant to be." She rolled her eyes, "You think my mommy and daddy spoil me, you've never met my grandma and grandpa. They were the ones who raised me was a baby, I'm their little favorite, I would leave and maybe I just need to escape it all." She was mainly talking about him.
Cute? "Gee thanks, just what ever girl wants to hear." She nodded, "You are a jerk. And I believe that you love me but I don't believe that your in love with me. Remember when we were in love? We couldn't stay away from each other and now we do this all the time. I use to know that you loved me and that you needed me and now I just feel like the first wife, the one who gets him for a little while but he always goes to the other women when he wants love and guess what? You did go to someone when you wanted love,"
He looked desperate but she couldn't give in right now, he couldn't win. They would keep doing this over and over if she gave in right now, "Look I don't want to leave right now but maybe you need to know what its like to be left behind by someone that you love. I need to find the reason behind all of this because right now, you only hurt me and make me feel like I'm worthless. Do you have any idea how much it hurt when you told me that you cheated? I felt like you gave up on me for her."
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